To my “half-season lover”

We met when we went to the same college prep class. Every time I almost fell in love, something happened. At that time, my ex-boyfriend suddenly came back. Sometimes it was because he failed college and was frustrated, didn’t want a love at that time. We kept missing each other until we thought we were ready for a kiss. But then that kiss still couldn’t happen for goddamn reasons.

Then I went to get married. On my wedding day, I came, still as fresh as a flower, with my second girlfriend. It’s not enough to joke with each other that sitting on the same tray with my ex-lover’s group.

A few years later, he also got married. On your wedding day, I also came, with my children. I just got divorced. Also thought: What if that day we became a couple?

And so on, being each other’s “half-hearted lover” until he also divorced his wife. The two meet again. We blame God. I also think that the basket is tight, maybe it becomes a vow of a lifetime. But then, we still missed the beat. Because my children and your children can never be reconciled. They hate each other, so every occasion they go together is a booing heaven.

But it’s been almost 30 years, right? Since the time of blue hair, now both of their hair has been speckled with silver. We are still half-love-half-friend season. Even though both can confide thousands of things together. Even though the two are still alone. But it is not possible to cross that line. Even if there was a time when you thought it was good that we just ignore it all. But then couldn’t do it. Is it because love is not enough, why love? Even the kiss can’t be exchanged, can we go further?

And then, until today, after nearly 30 years of knowing each other, being each other’s half-time lovers, we still go back and forth in that semi-seasonal relationship. No one wants to give up on anyone, but no one is brave enough to step forward. But even Star, I am also very grateful to my half-time lover. Thank you for being with me through my youth and middle years. No promises to each other. Just like that, just like that, just like that, living and loving each other like that…

The Hao

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